Now that its time for Howard Shore to play his kazoo for the last time and Peter Jackson gets ready to return some rather large eagles to the cgi pet shop, there is one question on our minds, Is the HFR showing really worth the extra expense?
Well, the good news is that Tolkien probably won’t come out and claim that Saron is gay, he meant to have Bilbo hooked up with Tauriel, or come out with another hobbit book. All we do have left is,
The Habbit: The Boggle of the Fine Homies
Mustard: WE HAVE TO LEAVE. Someone woke up Smug.
Awful: I know, I saw him the other night on Colbert.
Mustard: Its too bad there isn’t room for some more poor people in this boat
Awful: I know, but we have to save the rich people
Mustard: The boat is sinking
Awful: Yes there is too much dead weight in the boat.
Mustard: Yes, I was thinking the same thing, Bye
BONG
Bored: What a lousy place to
BONG
Bored: Mr. Jackson is going to hear from my
BONG
Bored: My lawyer is going to
BONG
Smug: ¯Let em burn, Let em burn…¯
Smug: Do you think you can stop me little man? I am awesome, I am powerful, I‘ve been on Colbert.
Son: Here dad, aim for his vulnerable spot.
Smug: I am a dragon, I don’t have a vulnerable spot.
PIFFTl
Smug: OWWWW I seem to have been wrong.< Kersplat>
Awful: He killed Smug, and the Mustard.
Bored: It’s the little things.
Awful: Ok what do we do now? Livertown is cooked.
Bored: Ok lets move to the ruins of Dull. The dwarf should give us enough gold to rebuild> BTW just what is your job?
Awful: Well I suck up to the boss and run like a coward when necessary.
Bored: Im easy.
Tarus: Its time for you to go
Killer: I know, but I love you. Come with me
Legolamb: I know, but you know as well as I do there isn’t going to be a sequel
Dwarf: The townspeople are coming
Boring Brokenshield: Seal the door, no one gets my gold
Dwarf: We promised them payment for their help.
Boring: I don’t care its MY gold.
Dwarf: You mean our gold don’t you?
Boring: I WANT MY ARKENSAW. No one gets a coffee break till you find it?
Dwarf: My union rep is going to hear about this
Dildo: Whats wrong with Boring?
Palin: He’s been a little uh “funny” lately.
Dildo: He doesn’t sound “funny” at all. Would getting his Arkensaw help?
Palin: I don’t think so. Ever since he started getting his pipeweed from Colorado he hasn’t been the same.
Blog: The elf armies are coming
A$$o: So go to Goodnbad and get another army. We can’t disappoint Mr. Jackson
Wraith: Well Smirnoff, what are you going to do now? Your magic will not save you.
Smirnoff: Laugh while you can. I was in the Lord of the Rings movies. You weren’t er won’t be.
L Ron: Mind if I teach these monkey boys about DIEanetics?
Sorryman: I was thinking about my using my DEADeye powers.
Gladgirl: I’d like to help but I don’t always feel good this time of the month
Bad dudes: RUN! Her PMS she will kill us all.
Gladgirl: Especially if you keep making your sexist remarks.
L Ron: We need to warn everyone about Soreon
Sorryman: I will take care of him?
L Ron: Take care of him? No, we need someone to get rid of him
Bored: Nice Army you have there
Traindull: Thank You. I came to get some stones of ours from Brokenshield
Bored: We just want some gold to rebuild our homes.
Traindull: Fair enough. I just want this necklace. You know how it is.
Bored: Uh sure. No prob.
Brokenshield: What do you want?
Bored: We just want you to be reasonable. Give Traindull his necklace, and the people of Livertown enough gold to rebuild.
Brokenshild: I suppose you want a copy of The Interview as well. It ain’t gonna happen.
Bored: We don’t want to have to take you out.
Brokenshield: Take me out? What do you mean? dinner? dancing? Cheap motel?
Bored: Not quite
Brokenshield: Take this armor. You may need it. Dildo I swear by my precious bodily fluids that I trust you and my men but I am beginning to think someone I trust has been involved is a commie conspiracy to fluoridate my water.
Dildo: You mean you believe one of your men has the Arkensaw
Brokenshield: Yes! That too.
Awful: Who are you?. This isn’t the Grey Panthers, get out of here.
Smirnoff: The orcs are coming
Traindull: Do you expect me to believe that.
Smirnoff: Well, yes. They were in first two movies. With Smug out of the way just what did you think we would be doing for the rest of the movie?
Traindull: I am here to get my necklace.
Smirnoff: Don’t you think going to Macy’s or Jared would be a better choice than starting a war?
Dildo: Dudes
Smirnoff: Dildo
Bored: Hi
Traindull: Hows it hanging.
Dildo: Would you guys take this Arkensaw?
Traindull: Yes. How did you get it.
Dildo: Would you believe Smug put it up on Ebay before he died?
Traindull: Boring, we have the Arkensaw. Pay your bill and you can have it back.
Boring: Never. Where did you get it?
Dildo: I gave it to them
Boring; I will throw you off this wall
Smirnoff: No you wont. This isn’t a wall mart.
Traindull: Boring you are outnumbered
Dao Leadbottom; hey, need some help?
Boring: You were saying?
Bored : We were saying your timing is way too convenient
Traindull: Very well, well have to do this the hard way. Ready
RUMBLE RUMBLE KABOOM
Bored: HEY What are you to trying to pull, Jackson?
Jack O’Neil: Wormholes? Worms? I KNEW IT!
Traindull: Any more surprises? Ninjas? Imperial Storm Troopers? Bugs in an Edgar suit?
Tarus: Batsbreath
Legolamb: What?
Tarus: Bats.
Legolamb: Oh I see. Jackson is throwing in everything but …
Tarus: Shush. Don’t give this doofus any more ideas.
Leadbottom: Boring, don’t you think you are hording things too much. Even the Ferengi on Star Trek aren’t as greedy as you’ve become. Scrooge wasn’t
Boring: Get out of here or I will kill you.
Leadbottom: Kill me? Where are the family values in that?
Boring: You’re family aren’t you?
Ghost of Smug: Boring, you must rid yourself of the greed sickness.
Boring: Or what? Three ghosts will come and scare the Dickens out of me?
Ghost: No
Boring: Uh, I’ll turn into a dragon?
Ghost: No
Boring: Then what?
Ghost: You will be a Republican for the rest of your life.
Boring: NOOO Anything but that. Ok guys. Open up the mountain. I am sorry. I have been a little,… uh…”funny” in the head. Knowhatimean Vern
Dwarfs: A little funny? I don’t think so.
Bored: Take this sword and get the women and children to safety.
Awful: What about the cowards?
Boring: I am going after A$$O, coming with me/
Dwarves: Yes sure
Tarus: We should help
Traindull: They are not worth it.
Tarus: You don’t get the point, do you?
Traindull:
Legolamb: Hey cant we all just get along here.
Traindull: I am the elf king.
Legolamb: But I’ve been in all the movies.
Filler: ARRGH
Killer: A$$O You killed Filler, You Ba$#@
Blog: Mind if I cut in?
Tarus: You killed Killer, You B^%$
Legolamb: You keep your hands off of Tarus, you…
Blog: You Mac Guivered a bridge?
Legolamb: So? What is so special. I even do brain surgery see
Battyguest: Time for the eagles
Born: Yep, but this next scene is going to be unbearable.
Boring: Listen, I know you are a bad dude and all of that, but being chained to a big block of concrete and throwing it on a frozen lake just isn’t too smart.
A$$O: Nor is standing in front of my sword
Boring: Or mine.
Dildo: Boring!
Boring: I am sorry for everything
Dildo: Its ok. See you in the next movie
Boring: There is no next movie.
Dildo: Oh ok, but there is always the extended edition.
Legolamb: Sorry I am not going back with you.
Traindull: Uh huh. Its not like anyone didn’t know that.
Tarus: Why does it hurt so much?
Traindull: It could be worse.
Tarus: How?
Traindull: Some idiot could do a reboot someday.
.
Dildo: Well, I am not one for goodbyes. Just tell them I will miss them all and they are welcome to come visit anytime
Dwarves: THANK YOU
Smirnoff: You did a good job
Dildo: My memories are Precious
Smirnoff: That Rings true
Dildo: You know about the…
Smirnoff: We did THAT movie first, remember?
Dildo: Go away
Smirnoff: Does that mean old friends?
Dildo: I guess the adventure is over.
Smirnoff: No it is not. There is one adventure left.
Dildo: What do you mean? We’ve done the Rings and the Hobbit
Smirnoff: Mr. Jackson’s adventure is starting
Dildo: You mean?
Smirnoff: Yes, The Battle for the Five Oscars
