Today we have a special guest on Anaraphla’s Movie Mayhem. If you have played the game Portal you know her as the AI antagonist. Since her voice was used in the movie, I invited her here as co-commentator. Welcome GLaDOS
GlaDOS: Don’t believe it. I am not a guest. I am here because I was sentenced to community service
Jake Pentecost (Not Jake from State Farm) is the son of Stacker Pentecost from the previous movie. He makes a living recycling old movie plot elements.
GlaDOS: I looked it up. Penetecost is Biblical. Does this mean this movie doesn't have a prayer?
Jake is with some bad dudes who want an old Jaeger core. What they want with it is unclear. A teenage girl named Amara has taken the core and used it to build her own Jaeger.
GlaDOS: Forgive me again for the interruption, but this girl reminds me of someone. I think her name was Amarey Sue I wonder how good Amara is with a light saber.
Both Jake and Amara are arrested and are sentenced to appear in the rest of this movie. Jake is reunited with his former drift partner and Amara is sent to Jaeger training along side some standard trope characters, obviously taken from a high school sitcom. Vik, the queen bee trope, calls out Amara for ,I don’t know, reasons.
Amara is having trouble with her drift compatability. I would have trouble too if I didn’t get so much as dinner and a movie first.
Representatives of the Shao Corporation visit. They want to deploy several drone Jaegers all over the world. Mako Mori doesn’t trust the drone program. She feels that it would be easy to hack the drones.
GlaDOS: I wonder how easy it would be. Why don’t we ask Equifax, Target, and Sony Pictures.
Newt from the previous movie is back and working for Shao. In the previous movie Newt was sort of a character from the Stargate SG-1 series. A screw up named Felger. In this sequel Newt isn't as intelligent . He has been having nightmares from his unprotected Kaiju sex. Come to think of we were having nightmares of it too.
Gipsy Avenger is deployed and meets up with a super Jaeger called Obsidian Order, I think, starts tearing things up. Mako is killed when her chopper is knocked out of the sky. She is happy she won’t be back for any sequels. She may have to endure a cameo.
GLaDOS: Do you want to know what would happen if you drifted with me? You might get a brain. Maybe not. Your species doesn't qualify for an upgrade.
Later Amara tries to comfort Jake and they drift with the obligatory childhood trauma trope. I think she was traumatized when her father voted for Reagan, or was it Bush? I don’t know, shouldn’t there be laws about an adult drifting with a minor?
Speaking of bizzare sexual metaphors. Newt finds out the drones are about to be deployed and goes home to Alice and drifts with her. Unfortunately, Alice is Kaiju brain. I am sure you can see from this why abstinence only sexual education is a really bad idea. Children should at least be taught to only choose sexual partners from their own species.
Vik has a fight and is beaten by Amara. A little later we have the Pacific Rim version of what in cop movies is called the “suspension aprehension rule” Amara is booted out of the program for something but will of course be reinstated by the final scene,
The drones are activated, and before you can say “resistance is futile” they are hacked by Newt to open the fissure and let the Kaiju out. The drones are deactivated and the rift is sealed. One Kaiju heads to Mt. Fuji and threatens to explode the entire pacific rim (ROLL CREDITS!). Jake and Amara of course save the day/
GlaDOS, do you have any last words for our viewers?
GlaDOS: No, but I would love to hear your last words.
