Spiderman Homecoming

Anaraphla’s Movie Mayhem: Spiderman Homecoming

 Oh, my favorite Spiderman movies are the two Sam Rami/ Tobey McGuire movies. (The third one was number 2, if you get my meaning). I am not clear on the whole studio thing and why they did a remake. All I know is they sacrificed another spider and another Uncle Ben

  The remake villians were sort of meh compared to the Raimi films. Green Goblin and Doc Ock were great compared to Dr. Lizardo and Syndrome’s cousin Battery Man. On the other hand, Gwen Stacey was a definite improvement over angsty MJ. Obviously, Stacey was killed off because some people thought she would have been better in the spidey costume than new Peter Parker. (Hmm. Does she have an Uncle Ben ?)

 Homecoming is sort of weird. First we find out that no spiders or Uncle Bens were harmed in the production of the movie. The “with great power” line was missing  too, presumably because it had become a trade marked along with “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”. Also Parker’s big source of angst isnt balancing being spidey with his love life. He wants to be an Avenger. Parker says he should be on the team because he gave Captain America a wedgie. I am glad parker didn’t try that with Hulk.

 Before I actually get to the plot of the movie, I have to talk about the school Parker attends. It’s a school that no doubt came from the episode of the old show Sliders, where science students were treated like athletes. There is this event where students have to answer science questions rapid fire in order to win.

 Also, it seems that almost everyone is non-white or is involved in an interracial relationship. Sounds like a rather nice place except that the principal is obsessed with Captian America. It seems he plays Captain America videos every chance he gets, I am sure Cap is making a fortune in royalties for his school videos.

 The movie starts out with this guy named Adrian Toomes played by Michael Keaton. He wants to make a fortune by cleaning up the mess from the first Avengers and selling the alien technology for a profit. My friend Ron no doubt approves of the attempts of Keaton’s character to make a buck from recycling. The government, as you would expect, hates small businessmen and takes most of Keaton’s stuff.

 A crook uses the high-tech  stuff to plant a skimmer on an ATM. Spidey is on the job and defeats bad dude and saves a deli owner who thinks Aunt May is hot. Well, she is, probably because there is a shortage of old ladies for the part.

  Later Peter is invited to a party. Pete’s friend suggests he change into Spiderman and sort of sling a web around this really cute girl’s heart. Peter chooses to go after a bad guy instead and gets in over his head. To make matters worse, Iron Man shows up and tells Peter to cool it. Worse, Stark is operating the suit on remote while driving his car. As we have seen in another movie, if Stark isn’t more careful, things could become Strange rather quickly.

 Peter discovers a bug in his Spiderman suit (sorry). When Peter’s friend removes the device, Peter discovered that the student been in “training wheels mode”. Now Peter has a suit with a built in Siri he calls Karen. She sounds better than Jarvis but she has an interesting tendency of wanting to go into kill mode for no particular reason. When saving his girlfriend at the Washington Monument, Karen tells Peter to kiss her. (I am working on an iPhone app using this technology to help geeks, nerds and other socially awkward teenagers get along with the opposite sex. A GLBT version is also in the works.)

 Of course, Keaton has to show up. Spidey confronts him on a ferry and he slices it in half. Spidey manages the save everyone, but Tony Stark shows up as Iron Man and takes away Peter suit. Now Peter has to go to a sci-fi convention and buy an officially licensed Spiderman suit, without Karen of course.

 Now Peter gets to go to a party with the  really cute girl. Unfortunately Keaton tracked him down and finds out he Spiderman. Keaton says he’ll let Peter go into the party, but if  Peter tries to go after him he will kill everyone Peter loves, like Keaton’s daughter who happenes to be the cute girl? Didn’t think through that one very well did you? I don’t know, I’m trying to think which is worse, dating a girl whose father is a homicidal maniac or someone like Gwen whose dad is a ghost that tries to cockblock Peter in every other scene. Ah, the trials and tribulations of young love.

 Peter defeats the bad guy. Tony Stark gives offers Peter a new Iron uh Spiderman suit and tells him he can join the Avengers. Peter declines the offer. My guess is that having his love life torpedoed once too often Peter is wondering if Karen would be interested in a meaningful relationship.

Why Star Trek Discovery is Crap

 Star Trek began in the 1960’s as a “Wagon Train to the Stars”. It is of course no secret that in the middle of the Cold War and the beginning of the Civil Rights Movement, that Star Trek depicted a future of  a united Earth and a society where racism, at least in theory, only existed in historical records.

 Of course Trek creator Gene Roddenberry was always pushing the envelope with trying to get his progressive beliefs past the network censors. One of the more interesting episodes was Errand of Mercy, where Kirk and Spock fought to save a primitive culture from an invading Klingon force, only to find the “primitives” were actually an advanced non-corporeal life form, that put the smack down on both the Klingons and the Federation.

 Star Trek: The Next Generation continued Rodenberry’s Progressive themes with The Host and The Outcast,  not exactly the best TNG had to offer, but at least the LGBT community were getting some attention, as much as the network would allow anyway.

 Next is my favorite Trek, Deep Space Nine. It would be hard to pick a favorite character. Avery Brooks was awesome as Cmdr. Ben Sisko. Not only was he a good leader, he could sing too. I am sure a real Jadzia Dax would have had plenty to say about being a woman, and a man.

 The honor of being the first female starship captain did not go to Kate Mulgrew on ST: Voyager. Madge Sinclair  was  the captain of the Saratoga on Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home as well as another captain, and Gerodi La Forge’s mother, on a Next Gen episode.

  Discovery pretty much craps on every virtue of Star Trek. I know, moralizing is boring, but people willing to stand the high ground seem to be in short supply these days. Section 31 and the episode of Enterprise where Enterprise attacked a ship to steal its engine core made me cringe. So Jonathan Archer became the Evil Leaper?

 Although I have only seen episode 1 (thank you CBS), I do have enough information on 2 and 3 to take a guess on where the series is going. There are no likable characters, except perhaps someone I refer to as Tosk. (If you are a DS9 fan you will know why) There is a complaint that this is sort of a SJW version of the future because of the number of non-white and female actors. I will not  offer an opinion on this one way or another, but I will tell you this is not the unification of the races that the original Trek was.

Forget the things which made us enjoy the previous Treks. I heard that episode 3 has something called “Black Alert”. I don’t know what it is, but  I am guessing it isn’t a notification for an after Thanksgiving sale.

There are some people who like the darker gritter themes and the idea of a series based on Section 31 and I have no doubt they will enjoy Discovery. However, I am thinking that this is one time the Star Trek label shouldn't be applied. It is clearly not Gene Roddenberry's Trek, or any sort of future I would wish to be a part of.