Spiderman Homecoming

Anaraphla’s Movie Mayhem: Spiderman Homecoming

 Oh, my favorite Spiderman movies are the two Sam Rami/ Tobey McGuire movies. (The third one was number 2, if you get my meaning). I am not clear on the whole studio thing and why they did a remake. All I know is they sacrificed another spider and another Uncle Ben

  The remake villians were sort of meh compared to the Raimi films. Green Goblin and Doc Ock were great compared to Dr. Lizardo and Syndrome’s cousin Battery Man. On the other hand, Gwen Stacey was a definite improvement over angsty MJ. Obviously, Stacey was killed off because some people thought she would have been better in the spidey costume than new Peter Parker. (Hmm. Does she have an Uncle Ben ?)

 Homecoming is sort of weird. First we find out that no spiders or Uncle Bens were harmed in the production of the movie. The “with great power” line was missing  too, presumably because it had become a trade marked along with “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”. Also Parker’s big source of angst isnt balancing being spidey with his love life. He wants to be an Avenger. Parker says he should be on the team because he gave Captain America a wedgie. I am glad parker didn’t try that with Hulk.

 Before I actually get to the plot of the movie, I have to talk about the school Parker attends. It’s a school that no doubt came from the episode of the old show Sliders, where science students were treated like athletes. There is this event where students have to answer science questions rapid fire in order to win.

 Also, it seems that almost everyone is non-white or is involved in an interracial relationship. Sounds like a rather nice place except that the principal is obsessed with Captian America. It seems he plays Captain America videos every chance he gets, I am sure Cap is making a fortune in royalties for his school videos.

 The movie starts out with this guy named Adrian Toomes played by Michael Keaton. He wants to make a fortune by cleaning up the mess from the first Avengers and selling the alien technology for a profit. My friend Ron no doubt approves of the attempts of Keaton’s character to make a buck from recycling. The government, as you would expect, hates small businessmen and takes most of Keaton’s stuff.

 A crook uses the high-tech  stuff to plant a skimmer on an ATM. Spidey is on the job and defeats bad dude and saves a deli owner who thinks Aunt May is hot. Well, she is, probably because there is a shortage of old ladies for the part.

  Later Peter is invited to a party. Pete’s friend suggests he change into Spiderman and sort of sling a web around this really cute girl’s heart. Peter chooses to go after a bad guy instead and gets in over his head. To make matters worse, Iron Man shows up and tells Peter to cool it. Worse, Stark is operating the suit on remote while driving his car. As we have seen in another movie, if Stark isn’t more careful, things could become Strange rather quickly.

 Peter discovers a bug in his Spiderman suit (sorry). When Peter’s friend removes the device, Peter discovered that the student been in “training wheels mode”. Now Peter has a suit with a built in Siri he calls Karen. She sounds better than Jarvis but she has an interesting tendency of wanting to go into kill mode for no particular reason. When saving his girlfriend at the Washington Monument, Karen tells Peter to kiss her. (I am working on an iPhone app using this technology to help geeks, nerds and other socially awkward teenagers get along with the opposite sex. A GLBT version is also in the works.)

 Of course, Keaton has to show up. Spidey confronts him on a ferry and he slices it in half. Spidey manages the save everyone, but Tony Stark shows up as Iron Man and takes away Peter suit. Now Peter has to go to a sci-fi convention and buy an officially licensed Spiderman suit, without Karen of course.

 Now Peter gets to go to a party with the  really cute girl. Unfortunately Keaton tracked him down and finds out he Spiderman. Keaton says he’ll let Peter go into the party, but if  Peter tries to go after him he will kill everyone Peter loves, like Keaton’s daughter who happenes to be the cute girl? Didn’t think through that one very well did you? I don’t know, I’m trying to think which is worse, dating a girl whose father is a homicidal maniac or someone like Gwen whose dad is a ghost that tries to cockblock Peter in every other scene. Ah, the trials and tribulations of young love.

 Peter defeats the bad guy. Tony Stark gives offers Peter a new Iron uh Spiderman suit and tells him he can join the Avengers. Peter declines the offer. My guess is that having his love life torpedoed once too often Peter is wondering if Karen would be interested in a meaningful relationship.