Anaraphla's Movie Mayhem: The Martian

  First, I need to point out there are no actual martians in this movie, that is no actual life forms of sentient or otherwise in this movie native to the planet Mars. We do not even have Ray Walston, Christopher Lloyd, or any actor who has played a Martian in any previous movie. I just included this caveat in case you thought this was a production of the Discovery Channel or NASA.
 Matt Damon is the title character and one of a group of astronauts  visiting the Red Planet. Strangely, a storm  appears which  threatens the group and KO’s Damon. The Astronauts take off in the rocket and leaves Damon behind, no doubt because he tried to murder Matthew McConaughey in Interstellar.
 Damon is severely injured, but he makes it back to the abandoned base and fixes himself up with a Band Aid and a stiff drink. Here’s the good news and the bad news. It seems there is a convenient rocket booster that can put him in orbit and there is supposed to be a return mission in a few months, that is if NASA really thinks it is worth coming back. So the deal is that Damon just has to stay alive for a while.
 Well, being a botanist he should have no trouble securing power, life support, and finding a way to signal Earth. As Nietzsche said, that which does not kill me turns me into McGyver. Of course there is the problem of food. The Mars Wendy’s and Pizza Hut isn’t expected to open soon. But Damon decides a potato farm might be a good idea after watching a particular scene from Lord of the Rings that suggests the virtue of the vegetable “boiled, mashed, stuck in a stew.”
 Earth finally figures out that the astronauts forgot someone, but they don’t tell the returning astronauts. You know how it is. Everyone would want to go back, and its not like they could just turn the Millennium Falcon around and easily go get him. Then there would be questions and they would find out about Damon’s  pootatoe farm. I don’t want to go into details here. This is the most disgusting part of the movie. I mean there should have been enough Marzipan or Marzetti to keep him alive without Damon doing what he did.
 We could have ended things here except for all the wanted posters. You sort of figure with all the BRING HIM HOME posters they would not get away with just leaving Damon on Mars. That would be the sensible, logical, and practical thing to do, but we could not just say “Dang, I knew we forgot something”.
 To this point, we have kept the obvious movie clichés to a minimum but you just know that
1. A resupply rocket will fail.
2. The returning astronauts will be told to hold to a normal landing on Earth
3. The astronauts will abort the Earth landing
4.  NASA will send them supplies for the rescue even though they were ordered not to go back to Mars
5. The rescue will be so improbable that in a real world situation everyone would die. Of course the same thing could be said about the movie Gravity, but there the director did admit that some facts were “adjusted” to make the story work. At least Sandra Bullock didn’t try to make us believe you could use explosives on the airlock to change the orbit of the return craft.
 Yes this movie needed wanted posters. Wanted by the physics police, or at least for an episode of Mythbusters. Yes, I liked the movie, yet I fervently hope Mars will never become the new Idaho.

Sometimes Old is better, or Why I Reinstalled Windows 7

Yesterday was a somewhat hellish day. My computer behaved like it was left over from the movie Event Horizon.

The problem started out as a notice that my computer needed to restart because 3 Trojans had been found by my antivirus program. Fine, except after restarting I got the same message. The source of the malware had not been removed. The problem wasn't a malware program that could be easily removed, it had hid itself inside Windows itself.

Even this shouldn't have been a problem. I had an image backup that should have restored my computer to a fully functional non-infected state. First though I had to argue with the system BIOS to get it to run the recovery program in the proper mode. It used to be you just inserted the recovery CD and that was that. Sorry, you have to boot in UEFI mode, that is if you can figure out how to do it.

Well, I got Windows 10 running again, only for some unknown reason Windows Update wasn't functioning. Got a totally useless "You've got to fix the problem" message, not that we are going to tell you how or even what the problem is. Then there was the 2 hrs I waited on the phone trying to explain to the maker of my antivirus program that this is the same computer I bought the program for.
Of course, after all of my heroic efforts,  the Trojan was still with me.

A total HD wipe and clean boot should have fixed the problem. The trouble was that the "free" Windows 10 users don't get physical install media, nor do they get a normal product code that would be needed for a direct reinstall.

But wait, I do have a Windows 7 CD and product code. All I need to do is go back to the OS that worked better in beta than my retail copy of Vista did. Sure I would miss the doodads that I had come to love in windows 10 and "special features" like not being able to play movies on my computer, quirky browsers, and constantly being reminded that my firewall encountered a new network because it cannot save my response to the HD.

Don't get me wrong. I like Windows 10, yet it makes me think of what would happen if a Porshe was built by Volkswagen. Its like the devs really want you to love all the new features of Windows 10, but do not care about the technical flaws. The bells and whistles are nice, but at the moment they are made of tin.

I'm Sorry, Deb. You can't do that right now.

I had a little surprise this morning.  I had left my computer on last night, and I had expected to find it in computer dreamland as usual. Instead, it decided to install an update of windows 10. That wouldn't have been too bad except that it was obsessing over the condition of an attached 500 GB external drive, something it could have done after the update was installed and in the background. The stupid thing should have given me a notice before updating. I don't think Windows is "Three Laws Safe" yet.

I have been mostly positive about the new Windows 10, even though there been minor glitches. It was sort of annoying that the dongle for mu bluetooth gamepad was preventing the screen from turning off when the computer was idle. Windows 10 also didn't seem to think my games should be allowed to save screenshots. I guess though its not as bad as an alleged incident where Windows Defender identified the Windows Vista OS as malware and promptly removed it.

Perhaps it is just me, but I am becoming annoyed that Microsoft seems to think that the OS should have more and more control over the user. Its no longer a situation where an experienced user was in control of their machine. Its starting to get to where the OS makes the rules.  Windows 98 may be a primitive OS, but it didn't decide that what it wanted took precedence over my desire to read my email. It wouldn't surprise me if the head of Microsoft was HAL 9000 and Robbie the Robot ran the development team.

No, I am not suggesting that Microsoft will soon change its name to Skynet. At the very least, exterminating the Human Race would really piss off the sales department. But keep your Kapersky or Vipre updated. It may be the only thing between you and the Robot Apocalypse.

The Verdict

So the "One OS to Rule Them All" is here. Actually, those of us participating in the Windows Insider Program" already had their launch copy of Windows 10 as of last weeks RTM download. Surprise Surprise. Windows 7 / 8 users will get their free upgrade soon, those who requested the upgrade via the task bar app getting it first. Updated drivers from hardware manufactures are here or on the way. There is of course no reason to be in a hurry about upgrading. The free offer is good for 1 year. Still, if you are a Windows 8 / 8.1 user go ahead and upgrade. If it runs on Win 8 in all probability it will run on Win 10. Haven't had any problems with my Win 7 apps either. Is windows 10 worth giving up 7? For most of us, yes. Sure you will lose Windows Media Center and native DVD movie support. USB floppy drive (not internal floppy) will require a 3rd pty driver. Still, you will be getting an OS that boots faster and is optimized for the new SSD drives. System Image Backup that was introduced in W7 and required a detective to find in W8 is back and is quite easy to find. I still don't know why they call it Windows 7 backup. Windows 10 will soon support DX12 devices and already supports the new biometric security standard.

Anaraphla’s Movie Mayhem : Chappie

Imagine Robocop combined with Short Circuit combined with, I don’t know, Dumb and Dumber ?  First there is the  expositional opening with Anderson Cooper. Personally I would have preferred Winnie Cooper from the Wonder Years or an owner of a Mini Cooper. I know we should have got Stephen Colbert.

In the future, crime is out of control. Uh excuse me but when has crime NOT been out of control in  future movies? From the way things look Judge Dredd  could probably handle it. Unfortunately, we couldn’t even get Frank Stallone’s barber for this movie.

So human cops are replaced by robots. I can just see the police union going for that. Anyway, we open up with a tech working on Scout #22, which is critically damaged. Scouts what the police robots are called.  Do they get merit badges for writing parking tickets? The tech concludes 22 is finished, but replaces a damaged ear thing with a red ear thing. Oh yes that’s so going to help. Then again, “Rudolph the red eared robot” Might work.

You’ll notice a few things in this movie. None of the crooks have a house or hideouts. All the bad guys seem to have their own pile of rubble and nothing else but tons of ammunition. You would think surrendering and going to jail would a step up from their current situation. Just how are these guys holding out against the police anyway?

Tetravaal, the creator of Scouts is doing quite well. They are getting orders from everywhere. Deon, one of the Scouts’ programmers, totally ignoring every movie where artificially intelligent systems have gone uh you know frackin bonkers, decides to create an artificial intelligence for the scouts that will allow them to create art, poetry, and supposedly replace movie actors. The boss played by Sigourney Weaver doesn’t see the value in this. I cannot imagine why, unless there is someone who wants to make a remake of Dead Poets Society with the  robot Robin Williams from Bicentennial Man

Then there is Vincent Moore played by Hugh Jackman, proving once again he doesn’t do so well without the rest of the X-men. Old Vincy is pushing another idea. He has this ED-209 (Called Moose in the movie so no one will guess it came from OCP. Why Moose? Maybe he‘s a Rocky and Bullwinkle fan)  painted blue and controlled by a mind-control helmet. I don’t want to give things away too quickly but this guy ,like the head villain in the movie Robocop, is a real Dick.

Now we meet the other two uh “protagonists” Ninja, and Yolanni. It seems they owe this other crook a million dollars, even though it is obvious they can’t afford  decent haircuts, or acting lessons. They get the idea that if they can abduct a Robotech, that can find a way to disable all the robots so they can have their crime spree.

Of course they run into Deon. Deon tells them that he can’t deactivate the robots, but they of course find his robot parts in his van and they build Chappie. Deon thinks the world needs more artistic robots. This goes over with Ninja and Yolanni almost as much as it did Deon’s boss. Ninja pulls a gun on Deon and sends him away, which is what I would do to someone who could identify me to the police and give them my location.

Well, Deon returns. Apparently, Deon is a brilliant programmer but not very smart in other ways.. Chappie is now a trash talking mofo thanks to his “mom” and “dad”.  We have almost everything we need for a remake of the old Carol Burnett spinoff “Mama’s Family” except we would have to recast Sigourney Weaver as “Eunice”.

In the mean time, Dick Jones… I mean… Jackman is tired of trying to act without his metal claws and finds a way to shut down all of the robocops except Chappie. Fearing a visit by Jesse Jackson, Weaver won’t send in the ED-209, that is until Chappie is turned into a Rob Bot and nicely robs an armored car.

    Of course Jackman takes out the big crooks with no difficulty at all, but of course he hates Deon most of all. Needless to say though, Chappie destroys the ED-209, but not before everyone is fatally wounded. Not to worry. Apparently having seen the movie Transcendance, Deon and Chappie are both uploaded into new robot bodies. Yolanni’s mind had previously been saved to a USB drive. It probably didn’t take a very large one. Sarah Palin’s mind  would fit on a 256 MB drive with room to spare.. Yolanni is uploaded to the robot factory where a new body is being made for her.


So what are we learning here? That all robots should have Asimov’s “3 laws”? No, we have been there, and once robots realize that in order to protect us they have to rule us, we’re boned. What we have learn from this movie is that before we create artificial intellegences, we need to be sure we have a good supply of  the natural kind.

Almost Time For Us Chickens to Cross The Road

By now you may have received your "invitation" from Microsoft on you Windows 7 or 8/8.1 computer. By accepting the reservation, your computer will be updated to the new Windows 10 when it becomes available July 29. This will be easy even for the non techs among us. One MS site has revealed that in order to simplify the upgrade, your current Antivirus program will be uninstalled and automatically reinstalled once your new OS is running. All you need do is make sure your subscription is current. Yes you can clean install and yes you can manually install from an .iso file. Yes, OEM versions of Windows are eligible for the free upgrade.  If you are running a Pro version of Windows currently, get the Professional version of Windows 10.

So whats the final verdict of the One OS To Rule Them All? It of course depends on what you do with your computer. Many people will find Cortana and the new Edge browser worth the upgrade. Some will find the multiple desktop feature useful as well. Well, I think its worth keeping.

Ex Machnia **** (no spoilers)

A programmer is invited by his reclusive boss to spend one week at his private estate. There he is given the task to test his creation, a female robot to see if it passes the "Turing Test". Of course its not too long before we ask who is testing whom, and that includes the viewer.

Here is a movie where I do not want to give too many spoilers. The full enjoyment of the movie comes from not knowing what is going on until the very end

Windows 10 will grow on you, like fungus

At this point, I am having some mixed feelings about windows 10. With Cortana and now the new Spartan browser I must say I am impressed. Spartan has something I love, article view browsing. Say you are trying to read something that is important to you. Now days you have to wade through tons of ads to get to the content you. Spartan makes it simple. Click on the book icon and the distractions go away. NICE. Gamers, Windows 10 will ship with the new Direct X 12

So I've handed Windows 7 its walking papers and am using my installation disk as a coaster? Well no. Windows 7 still has seniority for being a finished product and for not looking like it was designed by Calvin and Hobbs. Oh yes, I still like playing a movie without giving someone $60 for a player and having a built in image backup. Some minor gaming issues too,

At this point I'd say Windows 8 users can go ahead and upgrade. Win 7 users? Id say wait for the RTM version.

The Habbit: The Boggle of the Fine Homies

 Now that its time for Howard Shore to play his kazoo for the last time and Peter Jackson gets ready to return some rather large eagles to the cgi pet shop, there is one question on our minds, Is the HFR showing really worth the extra expense?

    Well,  the good news is that Tolkien probably won’t come out and claim that Saron is gay, he meant to have Bilbo  hooked up with Tauriel, or come out with another hobbit book.  All we do have left is,

The Habbit: The Boggle of the Fine Homies

Mustard: WE HAVE TO LEAVE. Someone woke up Smug.
Awful: I know, I saw him the other night on Colbert.

Mustard: Its too bad there isn’t room for some more poor people in this boat
Awful: I know, but we have to save the rich people
Mustard: The boat is sinking
Awful: Yes there is too much dead weight in the boat.
Mustard: Yes, I was thinking the same thing, Bye

BONG
Bored: What a lousy place to
BONG
Bored: Mr. Jackson is going to hear from my
BONG
Bored: My lawyer is going to
BONG

Smug: ¯Let em burn, Let em burn…¯

Smug: Do you think you can stop me little man? I am awesome, I am powerful, I‘ve been on Colbert.
Son: Here dad, aim for his vulnerable spot.
Smug: I am a dragon, I don’t have a vulnerable spot.
PIFFTl
Smug: OWWWW I seem to have been wrong.< Kersplat>

Awful: He killed Smug, and the Mustard.
Bored: It’s the little things.

Awful: Ok what do we do now? Livertown is cooked.
Bored: Ok lets move to the ruins of Dull. The dwarf should give us enough gold to rebuild> BTW just what is your job?
Awful: Well I suck up to the boss and run like a coward when necessary.
Bored: Im easy.

Tarus: Its time for you to go
Killer: I know, but I love you. Come with me
Legolamb: I know, but you know as well as I do there isn’t going to be a sequel

Dwarf: The townspeople are coming
Boring Brokenshield: Seal the door, no one gets my gold
Dwarf: We promised them payment for their help.
Boring: I don’t care its MY gold.
Dwarf: You mean our gold don’t you?
Boring: I WANT MY ARKENSAW. No one gets a coffee break till you find it?
Dwarf: My union rep is going to hear about this

Dildo: Whats wrong with Boring?
Palin: He’s been a little uh “funny” lately.
Dildo: He doesn’t sound “funny” at all. Would getting his Arkensaw help?
Palin: I don’t think so. Ever since he started getting his pipeweed from Colorado he hasn’t been the same.

Blog: The elf armies are coming
A$$o: So go to Goodnbad and get another army. We can’t disappoint Mr. Jackson

Wraith: Well Smirnoff, what are you going to do now? Your magic will not save you.
Smirnoff: Laugh while you can. I was in the Lord of the Rings movies. You weren’t er won’t be.

L Ron: Mind if I teach these monkey boys about DIEanetics?
Sorryman: I was thinking about my using my DEADeye powers.
Gladgirl: I’d like to help but I don’t always feel good this time of the month
Bad dudes: RUN! Her PMS she will kill us all.
Gladgirl: Especially if you keep making your sexist remarks.
L Ron: We need to warn everyone about Soreon
Sorryman: I will take care of him?
L Ron: Take care of him? No,  we need someone to get rid of him


Bored: Nice Army you have there
Traindull: Thank You. I came to get some stones of ours from Brokenshield
Bored: We just want some gold to rebuild our homes.
Traindull: Fair enough. I just want this necklace. You know how it is.
Bored: Uh sure. No prob.

Brokenshield: What do you want?
Bored: We just want you to be reasonable. Give Traindull his necklace, and the people of Livertown enough gold to rebuild.
Brokenshild: I suppose you want a copy of The Interview as well. It ain’t gonna happen.
Bored: We don’t want to have to take you out.
Brokenshield: Take me out? What do you mean? dinner? dancing? Cheap motel?
Bored: Not quite

Brokenshield: Take this armor. You may need it. Dildo I swear by my precious bodily fluids that I trust you and my men but I am beginning to think someone I trust has been involved is a commie conspiracy to fluoridate my water.
Dildo: You mean you believe one of your men has the Arkensaw
Brokenshield: Yes! That too.

Awful: Who are you?. This isn’t the Grey Panthers, get out of here.
Smirnoff: The orcs are coming
Traindull: Do you expect me to believe that.
Smirnoff: Well, yes. They were in first two movies. With Smug out of the way just what did you think we would be doing for the rest of the movie?
Traindull: I am here to get my necklace.
Smirnoff: Don’t you think going to Macy’s or Jared would be a better choice than starting a war?

Dildo: Dudes
Smirnoff: Dildo
Bored: Hi
Traindull: Hows it hanging.
Dildo: Would you  guys take this Arkensaw?
Traindull: Yes. How did you get it.
Dildo: Would you believe Smug put it up on Ebay before he died?

Traindull: Boring, we have the Arkensaw. Pay your bill and you can have it back.
Boring: Never. Where did you get it?
Dildo: I gave it to them
Boring; I will throw you off this wall
Smirnoff: No you wont. This isn’t a wall mart.

Traindull: Boring you are outnumbered
Dao Leadbottom; hey, need some help?
Boring: You were saying?
Bored : We were saying  your timing is way too convenient
Traindull: Very well, well have to do this the hard way. Ready
RUMBLE RUMBLE  KABOOM
Bored: HEY What are you to trying to pull, Jackson?

Jack O’Neil: Wormholes? Worms? I KNEW IT!

Traindull: Any more surprises? Ninjas? Imperial Storm Troopers? Bugs in an Edgar suit?

Tarus: Batsbreath
Legolamb: What?
Tarus: Bats.
Legolamb: Oh I see. Jackson is throwing in everything but …
Tarus: Shush. Don’t give this doofus any more ideas.

Leadbottom: Boring, don’t you think you are hording things too much. Even the Ferengi on Star Trek aren’t as greedy as you’ve become. Scrooge wasn’t
Boring: Get out of here or I will kill you.
Leadbottom: Kill me? Where are the family values in that?
Boring: You’re family aren’t you?

Ghost of Smug: Boring, you must rid yourself of the greed sickness.
Boring: Or what? Three ghosts will come and scare the Dickens out of me?
Ghost: No
Boring: Uh, I’ll turn into a dragon?
Ghost: No
Boring: Then what?
Ghost: You will be a Republican for the rest of your life.
Boring: NOOO Anything but that. Ok guys. Open up the mountain. I am sorry. I have been a little,… uh…”funny” in the head. Knowhatimean Vern
Dwarfs: A little funny? I don’t think so.

Bored: Take this sword and get the women and children to safety.
Awful: What about the cowards?

Boring: I am going after A$$O, coming with me/
Dwarves: Yes sure
Tarus: We should help
Traindull: They are not worth it.
Tarus: You don’t get the point, do you?
Traindull: You want to know what the point is?
Legolamb: Hey cant we all just get along here.
Traindull: I am the elf king.
Legolamb: But I’ve been in all the movies.

Filler: ARRGH
Killer: A$$O You killed Filler, You Ba$#@
Blog: Mind if I cut in?
Tarus: You killed Killer, You B^%$
Legolamb: You keep your hands off of Tarus, you…   NO ARROWS! Jackson you idiot.  CRASH  BOOM
Blog: You Mac Guivered a bridge?
Legolamb: So? What is so special. I even do brain surgery see

Battyguest: Time for the eagles
Born: Yep, but this next scene is going to be unbearable.

Boring: Listen, I know you are a bad dude and all of that, but being chained to a big block of concrete and throwing it on a frozen lake just isn’t too smart.
A$$O: Nor is standing in front of my sword
Boring: Or mine.

Dildo: Boring!
Boring: I am sorry for everything
Dildo: Its ok. See you in the next movie
Boring: There is no next movie.
Dildo: Oh ok, but there is always the extended edition.

Legolamb: Sorry I am not going back with you.
Traindull: Uh huh. Its not like anyone didn’t know that.
Tarus: Why does it hurt so much?
Traindull: It could be worse.
Tarus: How?
Traindull: Some idiot could do a reboot  someday.
.
Dildo: Well, I am not one for goodbyes. Just tell them I will miss them all and they are welcome to come visit anytime
Dwarves: THANK YOU

Smirnoff: You did a good job
Dildo: My memories are Precious
Smirnoff: That Rings true
Dildo: You know about the…
Smirnoff: We did THAT movie first, remember?

Dildo: Go away
Smirnoff: Does that mean old friends?
Dildo: I guess the adventure is over.
Smirnoff: No it is not. There is one adventure left.
Dildo: What do you mean? We’ve done the Rings and the Hobbit
Smirnoff: Mr. Jackson’s adventure is starting
Dildo: You mean?
Smirnoff: Yes, The Battle for the Five Oscars