Anaraphla's Movie Mayhem: The Avengers : Infinity War

Anaraphla’s Movie Mayhem: The Avengers: Infinity War

 Ok I am not an Einstein, Hawking, or even STTNG’s Reginald Barclay. I am not good in math at all, Its just that you’d think that in a real infinity war the infinities would cancel each other out. In this movie they don’t. Also in the MCU you would also think that Syndrome’s prediction would come true. “When everyone is super, no one will be super.” It doesn’t.

 Also, has anyone noticed Thanos isn’t sitting in his chair like he does in the previous Marvel movies? Isn’t it obvious? Thanos needs a new chair. Let say we chip in get him a nice padded chair, footstool, UHD TV, the sports package on Direct TV and of course a mini-fridge full of his favorite consumables. Problem solved. That would be heaven for most men I know anyway. Oh Thanos needs a puppy too.
 Before we get on with this I would like to make a couple of guesses. Thanos’ favorite author is Thomas Malthus. Also we know Thanos watched at least one episode of the original Star Trek, Conscience of the King. It is about this dude named Kodos the Executioner. Kodos murdered half the population of this planet. I heard Kodos got a lot of fan mail from Thanos. Personally I am more into Chloe the Gay.

 Ok the story is very complexicated. Actually though we could sum up this movie rather easily. Everyone in the MCU (except for the Fantastic Four) shows up and half of the good guys gets killed. This postulates a really weird idea that Thanos may actually be Stan Lee, but this is just a theory.
 The story is about Thanos trying to get all these objects of power for his glove. Sure it looks nice. Its just a lot of work and a zircon would look just as nice. It seems like everyone who tries to stop Thanos does something stupid. They could cut his head off, they don’t. They could cut his glove hand off, they don’t. Strange could send Thanos to Dormamu (This would be great, We could do a remake of The Odd Couple. “Can two super powerful villains live together without driving each other nuts?”  ) or some place.

 Well, Thanos wins and half of everyone in the universe disappears. I have a question. Just what criterion did his glove use to select who lives and who died? Maybe we could have been lucky enough to see the Republican Party disappear. The good news is that Kodos doesn’t have to kill anyone now. Maybe that was what this was about.  The bad news is that Thanos has this  thingy that allows him to reverse time and undo his defeats. Please Mr. Thanos Sir, is there anything I could offer you for to allow Hillary to borrow it for just a little while?

Anaraphala's Movie Mayhem: Pacific Rim Uprising (Feat. GLaDOS)

    Today we have a special guest on Anaraphla’s Movie Mayhem. If you have played the game Portal you know her as the AI antagonist. Since her voice was used in the movie, I invited her here as co-commentator.  Welcome GLaDOS

    GlaDOS: Don’t believe it. I am not a guest. I am here because I was sentenced to community service

    Jake Pentecost (Not Jake from State Farm) is the son of Stacker Pentecost from the previous movie. He makes a living recycling old movie plot elements.

    GlaDOS: I looked it up. Penetecost is Biblical. Does this mean this movie doesn't have a prayer?

    Jake is with some bad dudes who want an old Jaeger core. What they want with it is unclear. A teenage girl named Amara has taken the core and used it to build her own Jaeger.

    GlaDOS: Forgive me again for the interruption, but this girl reminds me of someone. I think her name was Amarey Sue I wonder how good  Amara is with a light saber.
    Both Jake and Amara are arrested and are sentenced to appear in the rest of this movie. Jake is reunited with his former drift partner and Amara is sent to Jaeger training along side some standard trope characters, obviously taken from a high school sitcom. Vik, the queen bee trope,  calls out Amara for ,I don’t know, reasons.

    Amara is having trouble with her drift compatability. I would have trouble too if I didn’t get so much as dinner and a movie first.

    Representatives of the Shao Corporation visit. They want to deploy several drone Jaegers all over the world. Mako Mori doesn’t trust the drone program. She feels that it would be easy to hack the drones.

    GlaDOS: I wonder how easy it would be. Why don’t we ask Equifax, Target, and Sony Pictures. 
    Newt from the previous movie is back and working for Shao. In the previous movie Newt was sort of a character from the Stargate SG-1 series. A screw up named Felger. In this sequel Newt isn't as intelligent . He has been having nightmares from his unprotected Kaiju sex. Come to think of we were having nightmares of it too.


    Gipsy Avenger is deployed and meets up with a super Jaeger called Obsidian Order, I think, starts tearing things up. Mako is killed when her chopper is knocked out of the sky. She is happy she won’t be back for any sequels. She may have to endure a cameo.

GLaDOS: Do you want to know what would happen if you drifted with me? You might get a brain. Maybe not. Your species doesn't qualify for an upgrade.


    Later Amara tries to comfort Jake and they drift with the obligatory childhood trauma trope. I think she was traumatized when her father voted for Reagan, or was it Bush? I don’t know, shouldn’t there be laws about an adult drifting with a minor?

    Speaking of bizzare sexual metaphors. Newt finds out the drones are about to be deployed and goes home to Alice and drifts with her. Unfortunately, Alice is Kaiju brain. I am sure you can see from this why abstinence only sexual education is a really bad idea. Children should at least be taught to only choose sexual partners from their own species.

    Vik has a fight and is beaten by Amara. A little later we have the Pacific Rim version of what in cop movies is called the “suspension aprehension rule” Amara is booted out of the program for something but will of course be reinstated by the final scene,

    The drones are activated, and before you can say “resistance is futile” they are hacked by Newt to open the fissure and let the Kaiju out. The drones are deactivated and the rift is sealed. One Kaiju heads to Mt. Fuji and threatens to explode the entire pacific rim (ROLL CREDITS!).  Jake and Amara of course save the day/

    GlaDOS, do you have any last words for our viewers?

    GlaDOS: No, but I would love to hear your last words.