Not Deceitful Trailers: Star Trek Beyond
Welcome to the Star Trek Reboot movie that Cinemasins and Honest Trailers has not got around to, even though HISHE has.
Star Trek Beyond
Welcome to the movie where James Tiberius Kirk faces, the rock trolls from the movie Frozen? See the USS Enterprise where everyone is shagging everyone else, except for Capt. Kirk. Hey, what is going on here? Watch as Spock make sure his girlfriend has a necklace that she will need later on for Spock to locate her and save the crew.
When the Enterprise is sent into a nearby nebula to rescue a ship and its crew, the big E is attacked and destroyed by aliens recycled from a third season Voyager episode. Meet Krall, a nasty gearhead who likes to disintegrate people for fun and profit.
Watch as Scotty meets Jayla, an alien who just happens to live in a house that can do warp 4, if they can get the stupid thing to fly before it crashes. See Kirk dazzle Krall by showing off his skill, on a 21 century motorcycle? Marvel as the crew destroy the swarm ships the exact same way the Martians were defeated in Mars Attacks .
Staring:
Captain Motocross
Pointy eared Stalker
Ordinary White Girl
Krall and Unsual
I was Dumbledored
Starbase M.C. Esher
Necklace Ex Machina
Come on Bones. If you’re such a Nervous Nellie, what are you doing on the Enterprise?
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Saturday, November 12, 2016
Where Gnome Anne Has Gone Before: Star Trek Beyoned movie sins
1. Attack by discount troll rocks
2. Episodic movie series seems episodic.
3. Closet full of the same shirt cliché.
4. Everyone gets a lapdance except Kirk. and me.
5. Starbase M. C. Escher
6. Sulu Dumbledored into being gay.
7. George Takei says Sulu would never marry an insurance salesman.
8. Uhura and Spock break up for no other reason than to set up later scene
10. Kirk and Spock have something to tell each other that neither can talk about
11. Microsoft Universal Translator. Much easier to use Siri
12. Only ship available for the task cliché.
13. (-1 sin) Swarm ship idea done better than Voyager episode The Swarm
14 Starship Ex Machina
15. (-1 sin) Spock finally learns to use "colorful metaphors"
16. Spock tracks Uhura's radioactive necklace
17. Radioactive necklace.
18. (-1 sin) Badass motorcycle stunts.
19. Using music to destroy swarm.
20. This is a very poorly designed take-off
Total Sins = 17
Sentence = Another Sequel
2. Episodic movie series seems episodic.
3. Closet full of the same shirt cliché.
4. Everyone gets a lapdance except Kirk. and me.
5. Starbase M. C. Escher
6. Sulu Dumbledored into being gay.
7. George Takei says Sulu would never marry an insurance salesman.
8. Uhura and Spock break up for no other reason than to set up later scene
10. Kirk and Spock have something to tell each other that neither can talk about
11. Microsoft Universal Translator. Much easier to use Siri
12. Only ship available for the task cliché.
13. (-1 sin) Swarm ship idea done better than Voyager episode The Swarm
14 Starship Ex Machina
15. (-1 sin) Spock finally learns to use "colorful metaphors"
16. Spock tracks Uhura's radioactive necklace
17. Radioactive necklace.
18. (-1 sin) Badass motorcycle stunts.
19. Using music to destroy swarm.
20. This is a very poorly designed take-off
Total Sins = 17
Sentence = Another Sequel
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