Welcome to Suk-O-Lux movie reviews, where we rate movies by their badness, not their goodness. First a quick explanation of the ratings
1-The Dustbuster: Not just "could have been better", but ones with a definite flaw. Many "B" movies reside here. Mostly Harmless.
2. The "Hoover" Cleans your carpet and sucks $9 or more our of your wallet in a jiffy,
3. Turbo Shop Vacuum: You can feel the suck in the first 5 minutes of the movie
4. The Black Hole. Not one bit of intelligence can escape the suckiness of this kind of movie. It has been rumored that at least some members of the audience watching a movie this bad has tried to chew off their foot in order to escape the theater. Ironically, Disney's "The Black Hole" did not rate this bad.
Prometheus: Rating: 3
I know this movie was rated fairly well. Ridley Scott's Alien had a basically competent crew fighting for their lives against a formidable alien killing machine, and a member of the crew who wasn't what he was supposed to be.
Here we have a number of incompetents. Forget asking why Vickers is only revealed to be Weylands daughter near the end of the movie, or why Wyland wasn't played by an older actor. Rather ask why a geologist who made maps of the alien building got lost,his partner tried to make friends with an alien being that looks and behaves like an earth cobra, why the captain decides to go off and get shagged in the middle of a mission, why a scientist who should know better takes off his helmet in an alien environment, why another scientist thinks it a good idea to give shock treatment to a severed head. Oh yes, we find that in the future staple technology is true miraculous. No, the so-called "engineers" were't the intellectual light of the galaxy either.
Rent one of the original Alien movies instead
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