There are good snakes and bad snakes. An example of a good snake is the one that unplugs your toilet, saving you a large bill. Or, it’s a particular brand of software that keeps your computer safe. An example of a bad snake is …. No, wait. There are good movies about snakes and bad movies about snakes. An example of a good movie about snakes is.. This isn’t working either.
Before we begin, I have to say that the most underrated performance in the film is Ms. Conda’s. Although its hardly Shakespeare*, Anna brings a certain credibility to the film that you won’t find in the human players. We think Anna has a future as a dramatic actress or as the star of her own situation comedy.
*Cedric Wasp’s reading of Hamlet has to be heard to be believed. “To Bee, or Not To Bee”
We also regret to say that an extra in the movie committed suicide in the first scene of the movie. So intense was the horror of being in this movie that he climbed the mast of his boat and shot himself. Unknown extra will be missed.
And now the perpetrators uh actors in tonight’s trag… entertainment.
Jlo - Filmmaker Terry Flores. Her desire is to make film of an unknown remote tribe
Eric Stoltz Cale, Terry’s boyfriend and producer of the movie.
Ice Cube; Cameraman (the butt of several “Ice Floats” riffs)
Jonathan Hyde: Westridge. Brittish guy about like C3PO strung out on caffeine.
John Voight Sarone, resident psychotic and indiscriminate monkey killer.
Anna Conda: herself. Regrettably, Ms. Conda’s film credits to this point are mostly as an uncredited extra. Her current ambition is to someday meet Nagini from the Harry Potter series.
I am assuming you know the drill by now. Idiot people go where they shouldn’t. Stuff attacks people along the way. (Yes, I admit a scuba diver somehow getting a big bug in his throat, thus keeping him safe from all the other bad stuff while he recovers is slightly interesting. There is some talk by the psycho about things that swim up your urethra, which fortunately is not shown). Then of course monster attacks people, Psycho attacks people, monster attacks psycho, monster regurgitates psycho. People kill monster, waterfall runs uphill. Same old routine.
Things we learned:
Large snakes scream , eat monkeys , and do not understand what river water is good for when they are on fire.
Never leave a psycho’s legs untied
Snakes kiss you on the mouth before they kill you.
Waterfalls run uphill after the first snake is killed
Fun Quotes from he movie:
Paul Serone:
Please people. Don't make me out a monster. I didn't eat the captain Mateo.
Terri Flores:
This film was supposed to be my big break. But it turned out to be a big disaster.
Gary:
You don't know shit about the shit we're in out here!
Riff Trax stars: Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett, Kevin Murphy
Music by Jonathan Coulton
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